The One Year

I began this year fighting my depression by taking some extra shifts at a diner close by. I worked my professional job in a day and spent the remaining hours in the diner serving the hungry humans. I did make friends and followed a change in me. I was different by the time I left the job and move from the city. The year also had my first ever trip to Mumbai, a city of dreams. I never liked it before but I did accept Mumbai when I was there and it felt different. I no more hated it. I wrapped that up and came back. Following that, I had a good life going on - had amazing colleagues at work whom I still love, work-life was balanced and pretty much I was comfortable in my skin now. I met a guy in the diner became friends and started seeing each other. He taught me more about life on the other side of my comfort zone and perhaps the only person to push me to move out of my comfort zone. Taught me some more as well. Just then, I happen to call it a year I got offered a job in a city far away. Fought my thoughts and doubts and gave it a green signal, more like a second chance. Before leaving the city, hosted my sister and finally wrapped up with a heavy heart. The job switches did give me a little time to sneak back home. a place no different than when I left. I loved the smell of shore in the air and it had been a place I'd always come back to. Nomad as I was born, I packed a moved to another city, struggled to fit in, find a place, make friends and have peace. I am not sure about the last one still. Perhaps I don't want this now. Amidst all this, I tried escaping on a trip but could be there. I was there physically but not mentally. I realized I really need to trust the time and have the patience to deal with whatever storm it was. A month passed by tired, dead cried all over and lost, a slow and steadily found a place, moved and learnt the tasks at the new job. It had become a nightmare to me. From a talkative human to a completely different person. from no shows to hours of binge-watching. I started realizing the calls from within. I still was giving in to not giving up. Just when I found myself at a place not worst but enough to survive. I went back to the old city and visited all the people I loved more than anything. I came back with this feeling of being completely detached from the place though how much I loved it then. Realization kept swooping in one after another. I ignored to stay and focused, but could not. For I knew now, I did not belong here anymore. I started working on myself, finding a place where I'd belong and ended up finding one. Pretty happy now to switch to something new, and leaving the old, I visited home for the festival. I watched my grandparents growing old and grumpy, mom getting old and so my aunt and uncle, watched my siblings moving on with their life. I stayed there still and watched all of it at once, I knew I had missed a lot, but perhaps I was meant to be a Nomad no matter what. I could not just stay standing there still. Carried all these within me with pain and sympathy, I packed and came back. Coming back to the city welcomed me with two days of amazing happiness and heartbreak by the same guy. I am still sobbing and convincing myself, for whatever happened perhaps, was meant to. Perhaps the new city was the beginning of a new chapter to write and chut the old one. Perhaps it taught me to stop carrying extra baggage ahead.

In all of these, happened an afternoon by the beach in a city of the shore, I sat on a broken dead log by the shore watching waves and empty boats, holding a glass of wine. I said to myself, "A little bit of sun, a little bit of beach and a little bit of wine. Goes well with the roaring sea and crashing waves, and chilly breeze in a pretty well lit afternoon. Here I raise a toast to myself. The year 26th. The year had been indeed a ride of a roller coaster with pits and falls and highs and lows. For coming through, I cherish this moment of me here. For I have lost folk and won hearts, missed homes and yet never homeless, watched rays and survived dark nights, hungry nights and yet content heart. For I have come so far making myself worth enough. Learnt loving myself in every phase of time. I might have learnt life lessons in the hardest possible ways but never gave up. I celebrate my year solo here by the beach in the sun getting tanned and intoxicated, for I am proud to travel the road till here and I look forward to travelling the roads lay ahead.

For I had my answers hidden always on the roads. For I love myself broke or rich, sober or crazy, chatty and quiet and wild and savage, a lover and heartbreaker. I realized a thing about self-worth, not defined by the mouths but the words I chose by the sheer experiences I feel and I live".

I knew Nomads were strong minds and tough hearts, will then only they travel with no extra baggage.

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